Gay Sexual Life
Some people presume that sex between men will involve anal penetration. This is often not the case and many gay men don’t see anal sex as a necessary part of their sexual relationship.
“I definitely thought that butt sex would be a big element of a gay relationship. Every time you met a new partner, you’d think, oh f**k, here we go … I didn’t think that men actually kissed each other or held hands or in any way touched each other, other than to turn each other on to have an orgasm” JD.
A national study carried out in Britain in the 1990s discovered that between a quarter and a third of gay men have never had anal sex as either the penetrative or receptive partner.
However whilst many of the gay men participating in the study were pleased to discover that anal sex wasn’t an expectation in their early relationships, they were usually very clear about the particular circumstances under which they would agree to penetrative sex. Much of this seemed to be based around a concept of the ‘right’ time and included notions of trust, respect, ’saving it’, sharing yourself and ‘doing it with someone special’. Anal intercourse appears to be seen by many young gay men (at least before they start having penetrative sex) as a similar marker of a ‘committed’ loving relationship that is encouraged in young people when there is discussion of (vaginal) sexual intercourse.
These same notions, however, do not protect young men from being infected with HIV. In reality these notions can directly contradict safer sex messages, which may be vital for young men to act on:
“I think there is almost a sense that sex is safe as long as you’ve been with a person for a certain amount of time. Or if you’ve been seeing somebody for quite a while, that if you insist on using condoms, then you don’t really love them. You’re letting them down somehow and it’s not as close.”